forget what it is and why it is and just enjoy that it is
A majority of people are never fully present in the now. Subconsciously, we believe the next moment of life must be better and far more important than the one we're currently in. But then we miss our whole life waiting for something better, which is never not now.
I have spent too much time of my life missing places, people, and feelings. Although missing the sweet moments of life is inevitable, I cannot help but feel as though I am slapping the current in the face. I will admit, It is hard to look at what I currently have and call it beautiful when what I once had or what is coming is much more beautiful. It is strange to miss what used to be. I am learning to open my eyes to the warmth of the hug I just received, how the sun glistens wonderfully on the mountains in front of me, and the clouds right above me that wash the sky in pink and orange. There is a lot of beauty in front of me, and I refuse to disregard it because I am too tangled up in what used to be or what will be. I am slowly but surely learning to not be bitter about what I have available to me now and expect everything that is yet to come to be sweet.
In about two weeks, I will be moving out of the state I have lived in for nearly my whole life, and moving to the other side of the country. While this is a rather large feat, I constantly find myself ignoring what I am about to leave behind, and exclusively focusing on the life I am about to give myself. My life is very beautiful and I am incredibly blessed to have lived in such a wonderful place with wonderful people, so why is it that I am so eager to move away? I've wanted to live in a different place for years. I never thought to notice that if I spend too much time wishing I was somewhere else, I would miss the moments happening in front of me. We are shaped into individuals by feelings, experiences, thoughts, and memories. Attempting to fast forward a certain part of life could ultimately lead to losing an essential part of what makes us who we are. I owe a lot of who I am to the memories I have hoarded over the years.
It is quite easy for humans to become caught up in the future that lies ahead, especially when we have convinced ourselves that it is far superior to the present. We become attached to the idea that there is always something better ahead, rather than enjoying everything we are currently blessed with. Of course, it is natural behavior to spend moments of thought in daydreams of the future. In fact, it is completely inevitable. But when our lives become governed by thoughts and emotions attached to potential events of the future, being contently rooted in the present becomes incredibly rare. I habitually find myself off in my head, musing over a life I have yet to live. Habits can quickly become a normal part of life, and as we already know, just because we are used to doing something, does not mean it is healthy, or the right way to live.
In an attempt to correct my behavior, I have been trying to memorize every detail of the moments that I live in now. In the soreness of my legs from standing so long at a concert, the warmth of the sky on a summer night, the patterns of a tablecloth, the way the sun reflects on the walls of my house in the early morning. I am trying to memorize each feeling I experience, my quiet gratification, my laughter, my excitement. I am on the cusp of the next part of my life and it is so strange, but it makes finding happiness so much easier no matter what is happening around me. I am viewing my life through rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, simply because I know I am living in times that I'll never be able to live again, I have friends I might not always have, and I am feeling things I might not always feel, and that makes it so much easier to appreciate everything I might miss later.